You are strong. Another thing is that my relationship with him heavily influenced my religion. This person flakes when we have plans even after I said that Im not here for that. He never compliments me, from my perspective he only tells me when Im not doing something right. Yes leave him. He only got me a childrens bear . In the past few months that has changed and hes gotten better. I read this article today because today he laughed at me when I put on a dress that wasnt low cut or revels my chest. This is the only problem in our relationship, the lack of effort. When we first started dating I personally felt like he put so much effort into me and the relationship. But he would rather break up than try to understand what makes me happy and make an effort. He did say that we wont be able to talk as much cause theyve got people over and he did apologise before hand but I really cant stand him disappearing during our lil catch-up session to play games,without telling me. Im going to be a junior in a few months and hell be a freshman in college. The first two years of the relationship he was wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to type the words in your comment. We live together also, in a large house he bought with his ex. He stopped initiating sex and one day i found saved Google image searches under very specific terms saved on his phone and realized why i wasnt getting laid anymore. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 5 months weve known each other for quite a while in the 1st couple months was wonderful we talked a lot did stuff together laugh together he started working more and didnt have as much time is energy but I noticed that hes working obsessive until he absolute collapses he makes no time for me he keeps saying I cant wait till we have time again when I get these jobs done but nothing is an emergency hes not strapped financially he doesnt have to complete these things as fast as he does I go to his house and sleep a lot of nights with him thats kind of all were doing anymore were not even having sex but if I dont sleep over he calls me and text me I miss you so much I love you so much but he wont actually put in any effort to do anything with me Im so confused about about it Ive lowered my expectations again and again and hes just been just disconnected just not really even present Its like he knows he has me and he can just put me on a shelf until he feels like paying attention to me again and its not enough for me but I love him I know he loves me I dont know why he doesnt get it that this relationship is gonna die if he doesnt keep starving it. Despite me working on being explicitly clear- he still hasnt been willing or able to meet my needs. Hed say something really mean, watch my cry and if I asked to talk about it, Hed tell me why do we have to always talk about it or why cant you just drop it and not bring it up my favorite was Im not apologizing because Im not sorry, you just like making a big deal over nothing one time I asked about marriage (he took me to the red wood Forrest and asked me to marry him 2 years prior to this comment) he told me hed never marry a b**ch. I buy him presents, I shower him with so much love. He always said that its his first relationship and he doesnt know how to behave like a boyfriend. That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. But Ive just always felt like im not one of his priorities. He has changed massively and does not do any of those things now. Just stop talking to him and stop making so much effort. Its been an extremely rocky relationship but has the tendency to resolve itself. This guy is not considerate at all and does not have your best interest at heart. The one time I did ask him to pick me up at the train, he forgot. I have asked him on several occasions to make more of an effort but it ends up in an argument. He then told me about the basics, and then he let me hold on to him to avoid falling. You should never settle. We would always say I like you instead of I love you. Texts are still slow. Hi Looloo, My partner is the same. If you do his laundry, stop. when it comes to affection, i literally have to initiate everything. Days have past he ask to have sex with me I really like him and agreed to have just a fun sex. If you really love him and see potential in the relationship then give it a try. Once in a while, I managed to do something to please him. Its up and down. A Relationship Expert Explains, How to Recognize Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Your Spouse, Chemistry Between People Depends on These 7 Traits, Signs and Causes of Emotional Neglect in a Marriage and How to Cope, 8 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, 16 Signs of Falling in Love That Mean It's Real, How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship, How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, 10 Signs of an Emotionally-Abusive Relationship, How to Ask for a Father's Permission to Marry His Daughter. Can anyone help me and give me some advice? I dont know what to do anymore. If we cant COMMUNICATE with our guys needs to be worked on by both parties. Literally so many times. A healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand. Everything now has become a tit-for-tat pissing match competition for control and autonomy. My mom knew smthn was up so she said no to taking me. We couldnt go one day without some little thing exploding. Ive been with my bf for almost two years and my biggest issue is the alcoholIve been told its not a problem and that he does love me.any suggestions. I get 2-3 texts a day and I have to call him every few days just to hear his voice. Fine, dont come. Romantic. Maybe what they need to here is (as an example)- Im not feeling like a priority to you, and therefore what I need is for you to make dinner with me one night this week so we can reconnect.. He truly sucks, im sorry but you need to leave him. When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. It sounds to me like hes not into you. I noticed he changed a bit, he does little effort in our relationship. He definetly isnt prioritizing me. ! And then what we talked about was not set in stone and that things change. Oh n did i mention that i literally have NOWHERE ELSE TO GO? I didnt hear from him till early Sunday morning when I drunk texted him. He is the type of person who has to be in control of everything, and I feel like when I suggest things for us to do together he shuts me down, but if any of his friends suggest the same thing he is game. Could it be that he lost interest in me? Listen to your intuition, it never lies. Now that family is gone and I have to build a new support system from scratch. :'(. This is hard for me because Ive always been a helpless romantic, and Im always doing little cute things for him, not because I expect it in return but because I genuinely want to. Then, youll know what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship. Wow I can relate so much to this. I dont know what to do and need some advice. Writing down your expectations will not only help you gain clarity and insight into yourself, itll also help you see if you need to change what you expect of your boyfriend. Has financial debt, related to college expenses. He works constantly and Im a stay at home dog mom (Recently weve been wanting kids). Its 90 degrees out so I thought Id stay cool and look a little less like I live in a dumpster. I just dont know if Im asking for too much or if hes just making up excuses. X. I know this is a late reply but do you feel like he respects you? But I cant help but hang onto hope, desperately wanting something inside him to change. He asked if I wanted help learning and I said a big yes. Im in school full time until July 2023 and though I have a flex pt job at Amazon, the hours and job itself is so crappy. , hopefully each day, I will start to become stronger, and maybe me and him could continue with our friendship as time passes. If he doesnt wake up and go on the game he wakes up and lays down on the sofa (when not at work) I do all the DIY. Stop working for him. Maybe he always expects you to be waiting for him, ready to do whatever he wants. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. He called and asked me to come and get himwhich I did. And im an amazing girlfriend. Im just confused if he really want me he should have no excuses in having time with me. We still work on a project together so its not like I can just cut contact entirely, which I figured might be the reason why he is continuing to text, like he doesnt want things to get uncomfortable between us. The first date was half a year into our relationship at an Italian restaurant. There could be many reasons why your partner is not showing you the affection you desire, and according to therapist, dating and relationship coach and former matchmaker I was so upset and sad to know he did that, specially after just having a baby. They say age shouldnt matter, but it does play a part. We met online and in a long distance relationship and we have not met in person. He will never be that boyfriend ever again. We actually ended up breaking up and I tried to distance myself. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. He used to do all these romantic things for me before we went long distance. Hey babe! Ive held up my end and have been a loving girlfriend but Im not getting much back, but am also afraid of being alone. And then proceeded to call me later like nothing was wrong to tell me about something that happened at work. I am doing all the work for us. Im a stay home mom right now but still help my BF with reports, programs etc for work. i yearn for good morning texts or check ins throughout the day. It confuses us because we know the love ie there. Both Christmases weve been together hes given me money with the excuse that he doesnt have time to shop. Hes him. As of now, we have been back together in a relationship for about a year and a half. Also, when we have problems hell shut me out and not talk about it anymore. I dont feel like I really know him at all. He is perfect to me but like anyone else comes with problems. He told me he still wanted me and he loved me so i started talking to him again but things still felt weird. Honestly this lockdown really changed my relationship! So accept that it will be hard, cry about it for a week or two and try to move on with your life and realize that you deserved so much better then that pos. We were together 8 months. And i couldnt forget it. I dont know what to do. He doesnt know WHY he cant put in the effort that he wants to put in. Im an emotional person but I always try to talk and let him know Im upset so that he knows not to act a certain way. He said he had not thought about it and was not feeling well that day, so would think about it when he felt better and let me know in a few days. He still lives with his mum at almost 30. LOVE IS AWESOME BUT GUESS WHAT HERE I AM 8 YEARS LATER AND HE STILL DOESNT CLEAN , STILL DRINKS. Weve been together a year and a half now. Here are just some of the effects if one partner will fail to pay full time & attention not just with their partner but with the relationship itself. Any advice is well appreciated. And, your definition of not making an effort may not match your boyfriends definitionwhich means youre operating from a completely different set of expectations. Or he took them off somewhere he shouldnt have between home and work and left them or maybe regifted to one of his cohort? By lack of effort I mean that its almost like pulling teeth to get him to plan weeks ahead to figure out when we will be able to see eachother. I had my final straw this past week with his lack of effort and I broke up With him. 1. That also means i cant get a job either. I hope everything goes well for both us to get this relationship last. im still giving him a 100 up till today. he said its his karma for leaving me behind. Hi, Your post really reflects on me. I even dressed like a naughty teacher when we had sex. I felt like I would never find anyone else who would want me, this douche bag was as good as I was ever going to get. Is your boyfriend an emotionally unavailable man? Im the beginning, it was easy. I waited though and suffered through almost being forced to move across the country when after he graduated and wanted a new job but couldnt find one- that was the only opportunity he had and was about to force me to uproot MY life, quit school, to go. He hates my mom which is part of that reason. He used to put in a little more effort Im confused. He has not made me do any of this. he briefly mentioned his bad experience with exes, he had two years marriage and he said he felt it was too long. He still did not make much of an effort as far as even coming to visit me. It is just hurtful to know that he could not even think of doing this one thing for me. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. It breaks my heart not talking to him and hearing about his day but I know this was for the best. All he does is playing fucking video games all day and night. We both have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities. If this doesnt work for you if he disrespects, ignores, or even abuses you then you need to decide what to do. Hes a good guy but I dont know why he stopped trying. I am not an emotionally stable person I take meds for anxiety and depression and have for years now. But then he started talking to me normally and we was fine for a couple weeks but its been 3 weeks now he just hasnt been putting effort in and leaves me on read and blancs my messages (on snapchat we have a streak and thats when he snaps me) & I texted him saying hiya and he left me on read I just dont know what to do anymore my friends have told me to end this but I really do love him what shall I do? I met this guy 6months ago we were happy and everything was going well, until last week Friday.He went out with his friends and he came back in the morning. Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. And so on. If you depend on him for your self-identity and self-image, then you have to learn how to be an emotionally strong woman in your relationships. I dont know what to do. 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