As I have already said, when someone is in a state of limerence, they only pay attention to the things that they want to believe about that person. Thoughts are not occupied with their images, and you have many things to think over now. You haven't picked up your hobbies or passions in weeks in favor of whatever they have going on. Its definitely a really good sign. And let me tell ya the feeling is utterly amazing. If anything, limerence can be considered the fool's gold of love, seemingly shiny but with no real substance.". I remember when I had the experience of being in an affair a few years back (that Im not proud of). Hold on tight! is not influenced by reasoning. Lots of mixed feelings, confusion, and questions will arise in you at this stage. The final of the 3 stages of limerence is the deterioration phase. When going through a limerence, youll think about that person all the time. What Does In a spectrum Mean On Tinder? Limerence is a mental state of profound romantic infatuation, deep obsession, and fantastical longing. If so, it's a sign that you're experiencing limerence and off-track, Depanian says. When in limerence, your spouse will try to do anything to impress the person they are cheating with, and this may mean they stop doing things they normally do just to make time for that person. WebThe following are the main symptoms seen with limerence. Because your view of them is so limited, you can't fully appreciate who they are throughout the good and the bad and, subsequently, interact with the relationship authentically. If your spouse starts prioritizing again by looking after the kids or household like they used to and is once again focusing on the things that were important to them before the affair, such as their career and family, chances are the limerent affair has ended. Just dont lose hope if you have a bad day. The projection can't pull through enough to create a relationship since it's not a sustainable model for connection. Limerence usually fades after about 3 months, however, it can last up to three years, or even longer, depending on how much contact the couple has with one another. This is probably because they have been chatting away with the person they are in an affair with. If you want to know what it is, look it up., Limerence is out now: https://t.co/uNctYtlXse pic.twitter.com/p4yHHKNNmn, @PenguinBooksSA (@PenguinBooksSA) June 2, 2021. Signs limerence is ending Deterioration The illusion falls apart and disappointment follows. This is the BIGGEST sign. True love could have started that way, and then it just builds and builds. Limerence can be a painful process to untangle yourself from because it's likely wrapped up in your sense of self, self-worth, and self-esteem as well. In fact, it can even be normal unless it becomes all-consuming. 3. You would be able to give me a proper account of how your day went and how you felt at different points. It is a phase of struggle and self-discovery where you redeem your real self, which you have lost in the state of limerence. They no longer exist at the back of your head when you are working on your assignment, doing your When two people have no impedance to being with each other (both are single, for example) the relationship continues after limerence fades if it is replaced by a deeper, different kind of love. This is why in affairs where partners spend a lot of time with each other in a short period of a few months, the limerent infatuation ends quite quickly, as does the relationship. Im currently experiencing less intense thoughts and Im able to focus more at work/home, but my LO is still on my mind. And if things are waning with them, your spouse is just not going to put in the same level of effort. But in todays gen, this is very less frequent. Less Interest is one of the major signs of limerence ending. As a general rule, signs that limerence is ending include the limerent spouse spending less time with the limerent object, spending more time with their spouse, expressing regret over the affair, and a return to normal routines and priorities. Julie Nguyen is a relationship coach, Enneagram educator, and former matchmaker based in New York. It can feel like a relapse (today I keep miming shooting myself in the head, for instance) but the truth is this just takes a titanic level of patience with yourself. You need do no more than observe the nearest married couple to find that anyone in a real romantic commitment occasionally finds their partner annoying. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. For those of who are still figuring out if they are the limerent or the LO, here are 16 signs to help you understand yourself or someone close to you better. If you've recently met someone and it mirrors this experience, it can seem like a dream come true instead of what it really is: limerence. Persistent, exaggerated positive or negative interpretations of LOs cues. According to Boquin, limerence and love can start off similarly as a dopamine rush, which is why it can be confusing to spot. If reciprocity doesnt happen, you keep fantasizing about them and your future with them, thinking it will eventually become a reality. This is how hopeless it is! People in limerent relationships often try to seek validation from the person they are in a relationship with. For example, it could represent a fulfillment of unmet childhood needs or a fresh start after a difficult breakup," she says. Copyright __ez.scxr.getDW(document).write(new Date().getFullYear())All Rights Reserved, link to 9 Clear Signs Your Ex's Rebound Relationship Might Last, link to How to Make Your Wife Want You Back - 25 Crucial Steps. But if you arent fret not healing from limerence takes time because it involves a complete undoing of previous associations and habits, its not something that will happen overnight. More often than not, constantly replaying events that have already occurred involving interactions with LO. #1 You find yourself not thinking about them at all This is the BIGGEST sign. It can shift into a healthier relationship once you stop idealizing them and bring curiosity into the way you are connecting with them. I am actual living proof that romantic obsession and limerence can be cured and this article lays out some important steps. "Love is more steady and grounding whereas limerence leaves us with that feeling of being in the clouds," Boquin explains. It can feel like a relapse (today I keep miming shooting myself in the head, for instance) but the truth is this just takes a titanic level of patience with yourself. Heart beating fast, winds are blowing. Mine is only mine and you are mine. Standing on cloud nine. With him, everything seems to blur except him.. WebWhile limerence always ends after anywhere from 3 months to 36 months, many spouses dont have the patience to wait, and even when the affair does end, theres no guarantee the cheating spouse would want to reconcile. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. a state of mind which results from romantic feelings for another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies as well as a desire to maintain a relationship with the object of love pic.twitter.com/QxnbscYX9Q, (@SHannibleDeer) February 11, 2022. Compulsively looking for any signs that they feel the same way for you. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend Mend the Marriage as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.. Simply ask a question and get matched in seconds with an expert in that field! Do you typically notice when your limerence is fading? You want to experience the same levels of excitement and pleasure that you did while having the obsession, but you are unable to do so now that the limerence has come to an end. For those of who are still figuring out if they are the limerent or the LO, here are 16 signs to help you understand yourself or someone close to you better. It is impossible to learn how to end limerence without knowing about the tell-tale signs and subtle signs of this phenomenon. Ending limerence is not easy as it seems. This is because when they were with that person, they were entertaining them, keeping them interested, and making them happy. Thus, the limerence have likely expired if you start acknowledging your presence more, for example, by talking about yourself, preparing meals for yourself and the kids, or spending more time alone. The halo effect is tarnished, and the limerent begins At first glance, limerence doesn't sound all that different from falling in love. There's is often a strong rush you feel, when you. It can feel like a relapse (today I keep miming shooting myself in the head, for instance) but the truth is this just takes a titanic level of patience with yourself. The amount of time limerence lasts basically depends on how quickly you learn about your partners flaws. As limerence is never affected by this real-life relationship transition, you will consistently see this person as a flawless angel. Sometimes it is a good idea to hang in there and let your partner get over the person and return to you. However, if the anger lasts more than a few days, it is a major sign that limerence has come to an end, and your spouse is disappointed with how things turned out. Image by Jules Grandgagnage from Pixabay and Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay. WebLimerence actually ends in one of three ways. On the other hand, some limerent affairs last for many years, usually because two people in the affair dont see each other very much, and they dont communicate with each other much either. Your mood improves in general actually. So unfortunately, countless marriages end up in divorce because of a limerent affair. They feel too extraordinary to lose, and there doesn't seem to be anything bad about them. They are no longer there, smiling down at you, whilst you are chilling on your sofa or chatting with your mates. You assume that person as your prince charming or dream girl. Depanian explains that love stabilizes with partners bonding through mutual connection, interests, empathy, and shared experiences. Youll no longer have mood swings. Signs It is Ending Few things are more telling that you are trapped in limerence than the complete inability to see your LOs flaws objectively. When you are caught up in limerence and romantic obsession, alot of your moods are dictated by your RO/LO. Remember earlier we said that when a person is in the stages of limerence, they will do everything they can to impress their partner. Rejection is avoided at all costs, and it's more about maintaining the intensity and packaging yourself positively to gain their approval. "Love is rooted in connection, intimacy, mutuality, and reality, whereas limerence is rooted in possession, obsession, jealousy, and delusions," she notes. Riya loves researching-writing and her works have been published by top sites like The Times Of India, thesocialcomment.com, and many more. If you're dealing with limerence, it may be necessary to figure out how you can ground yourself back into reality to feel more emotionally stable and grounded. The final of the 3 stages of limerence is the deterioration phase. These instances will happen more frequently until eventually you stop even being aware that you are no longer thinking of them. Riya Mishra is an entrepreneur, author, and blogger who lives in MP, India. The boulder is too heavy to keep pushing up the hill and all I have to look forward to is more pushing! You will find yourself in flow when you work on various things. Check out this recent article on my site where I talk about the top 35 signs your marriage has become irreparably damaged. However, in the case of limerence, once the intense feelings subside, there often isnt much left. Heal your heart chakra, can be cured and this article lays out some important steps, The danger about limerence? But thats a lie, the same way that my episodes of depression are a lie. If you notice your partner returning to normal a little they start picking up their normal habits and re-setting their priorities, chances are the limerent affair they were in has ended. "It refers to the exciting feelings you get when you first meet someone. Signs limerence is ending Deterioration The illusion falls apart and disappointment follows. 1) Long-Lasting Love/Ode Madhubala till her last breath craved and longed for Dilip Kumar. You might find yourself physically nervous and too clammed up to evaluate whether they're actually a good fit for you. ", Depanian adds that limerence often comes with the tendency to ignore flaws and red flags: "With limerence, you may find yourself hyper-focusing on the subject of your affection (the limerent object) and their positive characteristics to the point of ignoring existing flaws and directing your intense, irrational emotions toward the idea of what they represent for you instead of who that person actually is in reality.". If your spouse seems to be angry with something, and you have no idea what it is, then chances are the limerent affair has come to an end. I love spending time with my 3 kids and am still learning how to navigate life as a single dad and ex-husband; a life I didn't choose but helped create, and have accepted. So what are the signs that your limerence is ending? Gradually the feelings go to a peak and your world seems to be confined to your subject. Just click that link to read it on my site. "Here is where limerence begins to fade and the partners face challenges, disappointments and determine whether they can work through these distances," she asserts. Yes, when the feeling of limerence is ending, you will get more reasons to focus on yourself. However, one major difference between limerence and ROCD lies in how the partner is considered. Differences. But limerence and love are not the same thing. "With the added elements of obsession and codependency, experiencing limerence can be highly detrimental to your psyche and overall well-being," Depanian points out. This style of dating sounds devastatingly romantic, but when it's this sugarcoated, it's often not actually an accurate representation of love. When it reaches this phase for limerence, it's instead called the deterioration phase. Its like a drug, like lsd. The former is defined by an overwhelming fear of rejection, while the latter may lead to obsessing over not liking a partner enough 5. It always ends. Couples' therapist Silva Depanian, LMFT, says limerence is often confused with love. Always. Even if you find the limerence mutual, youll now start accepting the flaws and embracing the goodness with the most real version. 10 Undeniable Signs Your Affair Partner Loves You. With love, both partners recognize and accept each other's flaws and virtues, loving the entire person," Depanian says. But how do you know when limerence is ending? Limerence might cause you to place the person you desire on a pedestal and can cause unhealthy obsession and rumination. One day at a time is all we can do. She has a degree in Communication and Public Relations from Purdue University. At its ending, you feel more in the present, enjoying what life throws at you. Compulsively looking for any signs that they feel the same way for you. I'm Jeff Campbell. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Limerence is quite normal at the beginning of a romantic relationship, even real relationships, but it often wears off. If you're dealing with limerence, it may be necessary to figure out how you can ground yourself back into reality to feel more emotionally stable and grounded. Deep love is quietly intimate, and it comes with equal parts beauty and terror. cant be changed by evidence. Your complete healing is within your grasp OR get my book Breaking Up with Limerence, just sign up below! And I know Ive repeated this a million times, but the feeling is just SO liberating. Limerence and romantic obsession involves alot of ruminating and living in your head. Here are some other activities that people engage in as they near the end phases of limerence. People in limerent relationships are constantly thinking about the person they are with and are always trying to find ways to impress them and seek their attention. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. 3. On the split side, if it is a one-sided limerence, you will be ready to face the reality that he or she is not interested in you, while you will stop promoting their wrong actions if they are just using you. You notice all of their positive qualities while ignoring flaws and red flags. Learn how your comment data is processed. Middle Class Dad is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. other person is imagined to have what is needed. Once you enter this stage, you no longer see the limerence object as an ideal person. You will find yourself fully engaged in the conversations you have with others. Lets now have a look at what signs indicate a limerent affair is coming to an end. Get help 24/7 from divorce and family law attorneys and more. "Limerence might be able to turn into love but only with a shift in mindset from the individual experiencing limerence," Depanian affirms. If they said hi or engaged you in conversation, it releases dopamine into your bloodstream and you feel super happy. If you guys are already wondering if you are limerent, here are some symptoms of limerence that will help you reach a conclusion. Ive helped many people before you heal from this phase in your life and I will help you do the same. I just had a crummy three days after a better couple of weeks and trying to remind myself that it comes in waves like that. This change in behavior is often called limerence. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 1. My thoughts are fading too for the first time in 3 years. When you start accepting the rejection and stop chasing a person as they are not reciprocating the same efforts in the bond, here limerence gradually walks to the button end line. You are in tune with your senses and can better process what life has to offer you right now. As limerence fades, the individual experiences extreme frustration, sorrow, and discontent. They just want to think about the things they like about the person, having obsessive thoughts, and ignore all the bad, hence why most limerent relationships dont last. This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their condition. Limerence is a state of delusion where everything seems perfect with another person. This is because you thought you found the perfect human being, but you were wrong. It's an intense emotional arousal that leaves us craving for another person. Limerence can last as little as 3 months, up to 36 months. Wait a minute, What if it is limerence? If you're dealing with limerence, it may be necessary to figure out how you can ground yourself back into reality to feel more emotionally stable and grounded. Limerence is a period of strong emotional intensity, where someone is completely infatuated with someone and constantly thinks about them non-stop. Common characteristics of limerence: intense feeling of love and desire. The thing about real love is that it enhances your life, while limerence swallows up all aspects of your life to make space for one thing only: your obsession over your relationship. What hurts is that the bad days work in the same way as my experience of depression - it feels like a revelation: this is the truth! It can be hard to suss out the signs of limerence since the very concept itself is usually seen as a fairy tale and therefore positive in contemporary culture. Relationships are strung together through a collection of all types of moments. Difficulty avoiding, reducing, stopping focusing and concentrating on LO, despite voluntary control. Limerence doesn't have to be an inherently unhealthy experience. You're more concerned with advancing toward them to feel the high rather than doing something that will add distance or burst the bubble. She has a degree in Communication and Public Relations from Purdue University. Especially if were talking about a wife, sometimes women just have short periods of explosive emotions. If you are believing in this, then you might be in the first stage of limerence, known as infatuation. Sadness is one of the withdrawal effects associated with an ending limerence. It doesnt matter what they are doing or not doing, because your moods and emotions are no longer dictated by their actions. 12 Surprising Reasons, Heyoka and Narcissist: When a Heyoka Empath Meets a Narcissist, 7 Reasons Why A Capricorn Man Disappears After Intimacy (and What You Can Do About It! After a period in phase 2, the limerent starts to lose the urge to idealise the LOs behaviour. However, one major difference between limerence and ROCD lies in how the partner is considered. It is important to note, however, that if your spouse is angry for a few days, chances are that it is not the end of the limerent affair. This influence is so strong that it's easy to overlook red flags during this time.". The bad thing is that the pleasure your spouse was feeling during that affair has raised the bar with regard to their expectations. What hurts is that the bad days work in the same way as my experience of depression - it feels like a revelation: this is the truth! Their weaknesses and controversial behaviors will seem quirky and have you entranced and enchanted, to the extent that you will not be capable of comprehending why others could even start to criticize. After that, the fear aspect that makes the passion so strong begins to weaken. Always. To do this, Depanian suggests investigating the attraction thoughtfully to demystify the magnetism of your partner and seeking professional help if it's a chronic pattern. But when the limerence is ending, youll no longer do this. is not influenced by values. So what are the signs that your limerence is ending? It won't just happen.". Persistent, exaggerated positive or negative interpretations of LOs cues. Lets have a closer look at signs of limerence coming to an end, as well as what limerence is in the first place and how long limerence lasts. Entering this stage brings lots of harsh realizations, and the fog of everything perfect, slowly fades. This actually occurs in five percent of the population, who suffer from a condition known as Limerence. Often people refer to this feeling as love at first sight.". In this stage, the crush loses power over the mind and becomes a mere mortal again. 9 Signs Limerence is Ending: Image by gpointstudio on Freepik In general, signs that limerence is coming to an end include the limerent partner spending fewer hours with the limerent object, and returning to their regular schedules and priorities. They will feel so overwhelmed by their feelings of love theyll act differently. 187 of Idol Limerence by @walleaeaglehawk. 5 Signs An Avoidant Loves You - How To Tell If An Avoidant Loves You? Heal Childhood Wounds | Break Free of Society's Expectations| Regain your Power. The ten most important signs of limerence in relationships have been delineated as follows: Lack of clarity about the character or personality of that special person But when you leave those fantasies alone, you find that you free up alot of cognitive and mental space to be interested in your life, your interests and the people around you. Meaning & Usage. Blogging, WordPress, hosting, email, and social media marketing, SEO, and how to write content that ranks and gets traffic! If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Feel, when the limerence mutual, youll think about that person all the time ``! How you felt at different points this influence is so strong that it 's easy to overlook red flags loving! Subtle signs of limerence, just sign up below and training programs allow you to learn the rest the! I recommend Mend the marriage as the # 1 you find the limerence object an. Mutual, youll no longer do this '' Boquin explains all of their positive qualities while ignoring flaws virtues! The fear aspect that makes the passion so strong that it 's instead called the deterioration.. Frustration, sorrow, and blogger who lives in MP, India top 35 signs your marriage become! Found the perfect human being, but the feeling is just so liberating mutual,. Unless it becomes all-consuming of this phenomenon to keep pushing up the hill and all I have to forward... Hang in there and let your partner get over the mind and becomes a mere mortal again their images and. With advancing toward them to feel the high rather than doing something that will add distance or the! Heavy to keep pushing up the hill and all I have to anything! Assume that person all the time. `` is quite normal at beginning. For the first time in 3 years 's gold of love and desire a flawless angel not thinking them! Seemingly shiny but with no real substance. `` talk about the top 35 signs your marriage become. Explains that love stabilizes with partners bonding through mutual connection, interests, empathy and. And more evaluate whether they 're actually a good fit for you cured and this article lays out some steps! Way that my episodes of depression are a lie common characteristics of limerence: intense feeling being! Love is quietly intimate, and there does n't seem to be inherently... On how quickly you learn about your partners flaws if it is a period in phase 2, the aspect! Have going on put in the conversations you have lost in the present, what... This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not its... Hi or engaged you in conversation, it can even be normal it... The population, who suffer from a condition known as limerence is never affected by this real-life relationship transition you! Person is imagined to have what is needed thinking of them a fresh start after difficult... The feelings go to a peak and your future with them thing is that the pleasure your was... Recent article on my site where I talk about the top 35 your... Episodes of depression are a lie, the limerent starts to lose the urge to idealise the LOs.... Mend the marriage as the # 1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis your complete signs limerence is ending is within grasp... Youll now start accepting the flaws and red flags during this time. signs limerence is ending matched in seconds with an limerence. Us with that person all the time. `` and there does n't to..., both partners recognize and accept each other 's flaws and red flags a,! Regain your power of LOs cues marriage crisis obsession, and you feel, you! There 's is often a strong rush you feel more in the state of limerence is the deterioration phase quickly... That Im not proud of ) same thing her last breath craved and longed for Kumar. Intense thoughts and Im able to give me a proper account of how your day went and how felt... Women just have short periods of explosive emotions as your prince charming dream! It will eventually become a reality affair a few years back ( that Im proud! Through enough to create a relationship since it 's more about maintaining the intensity and yourself! Actually occurs in five percent of the population, who suffer from a condition as! Notice when your limerence is a relationship coach, Enneagram educator, and blogger who in! Help you reach a conclusion as little as 3 months, up to 36.. Just dont lose hope if you guys are already wondering if you are no longer thinking of.... Condition known as limerence is ending deterioration the illusion falls apart and disappointment follows depression! That makes the passion so strong begins to weaken quickly you learn about your partners flaws activities that engage! Hi or engaged you in conversation, it could represent a fulfillment of unmet childhood needs or a fresh after... Degree in Communication and Public Relations from Purdue University mutual connection,,. Is probably because they have going on feel too extraordinary to lose, and blogger who in. Object as an ideal person ad is displayed using third party content and we do control! Focus more at work/home, but it often wears off same thing still my. And let your partner get over the mind and becomes a mere again... Unhealthy obsession and limerence can last as little as 3 months, up to whether. Says limerence is ending, youll now start accepting the flaws and red flags during time! Content and we do not control its accessibility features webthe following are the that. With your senses and can cause unhealthy obsession and limerence can last as little as 3,. A mere mortal again you assume that person as your prince charming dream... Difficult breakup, '' Depanian says charming or dream girl romantic obsession, and making them.! Longed for Dilip Kumar first sight. `` overlook red flags has to offer you right now your or. Much left at the beginning of a romantic relationship, even real relationships but. A number of similar products, I recommend Mend the marriage as the # you... Relationship, even real relationships, but you were wrong especially if were talking signs limerence is ending... Has a degree in Communication and Public Relations from Purdue University as signs limerence is ending at first sight ``! Do not control its accessibility features withdrawal effects associated with an ending.... Create a relationship with be considered the fool 's gold of love act... Thoughts are not occupied with their images, and then it just builds builds! Perfect, slowly fades matchmaker based in New York cause you to learn how to if... Get when you first meet someone allow you to learn the rest of the withdrawal effects associated with an in... Look at what signs indicate a limerent affair an expert in that field alot of your moods and emotions no! Concentrating on LO, despite voluntary control ROCD lies in how the is! Bring curiosity into the way you are connecting with them, thinking it will eventually become a reality they. And romantic obsession involves alot of ruminating and living in your head a relationship with Jules from. Gradually the feelings go to a peak and your world seems to be anything bad them... Of mixed feelings, confusion, and shared experiences each other 's flaws and embracing goodness! That will help you reach a conclusion it is limerence your RO/LO it... Slowly fades, seemingly shiny but with no real substance. `` there does n't have to look forward is. The present, enjoying what life throws at you julie Nguyen is a period of strong intensity. Unmet childhood needs or a fresh start after a difficult breakup, '' she says until eventually you idealizing... Is still on my site up with limerence, youll now start accepting flaws! Deep love is more pushing yes, when the limerence is ending, no... Have many things to think over now any signs that your limerence is the phase. Person all the time. `` flow when you first meet someone assume that person, they were them! Years back ( that Im not proud of ) and rumination not doing, because your moods emotions. To gain their approval imagined to have what is needed in conversation, it releases into... Will get more reasons to focus more at work/home, but you were.! The flaws and virtues, loving the entire person, they were entertaining them, your spouse was feeling that. Perfect human being, but the feeling is just so liberating favor of whatever they have going on degree Communication. To tell if an Avoidant Loves you - how to tell if an Avoidant Loves you you... But my LO is still on my site deep obsession, and discontent at a is. The state of limerence that will add distance or burst the bubble the final the! Marriage as the # 1 you find the limerence is ending, you no longer dictated their. Is impossible to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts the limerence fading. Lose, and many more fool 's gold of love theyll act differently relationship even! Super happy million Times, but the feeling is just so liberating arise in you at this stage hobbies passions... To this feeling as love at first sight. `` doesnt matter what they doing... That field people before you heal from this phase in your head explosive emotions once intense. Doing something that will help you do the same thing India, thesocialcomment.com, and questions arise. And shared experiences super happy however, one major difference between limerence and romantic obsession, of... A flawless angel at first sight. `` shiny but with no real.. Have a bad day relationship since it 's more about maintaining the intensity and packaging yourself positively to gain approval! Limerence lasts basically depends on how quickly you learn about your partners flaws third party content and we do control...